Saturday, December 18, 2010
The Even Flow is the name given in EmoTrance to describe a condition of the energy system when it works EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD.
In the energy world, there are certain prime laws that energy obey.
For anything to be experienced as "right" or "pleasant," things have to be IN THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE IN TIME AND SPACE.
That is the first law of energy but also a general law of the Universe that works on all levels and in all ways.
In EmoTrance we ask the core question, "Where does this energy need to go?" to restore something to its rightful place in time and space. With energy forms such as memories for example, even THE most traumatic memories, if they find their rightful place in time and space, become a RESOURCE rather than a life killer.
The second law of energy is that ENERGY MUST FLOW. Read on
Download a free copy of the Enchanted World by Silvia Hartmann
Monday, December 13, 2010
Even though I feel … about my body sometimes, I choose to recognise all that it has held for me
Even though it is difficult to appreciate my body because … I acknowledge my body and all it does for me
Even though sometimes I feel … with my body, I really do love my body
Top of the head: I really appreciate my body
Eyebrow: And all it does
Side of eye: My body is just fantastic
Under the eye: It is such a friend to me
Under the nose: It has taken on all the things that I couldn't
Under the chin: Because it loves me so much
Collar bone: I feel so grateful to my body for doing that!
Under the arm: I love and appreciate you body
Top of the head: Sometimes though I feel angry with my body
Eyebrow: And betrayed
Side of eye: It doesn't always do what I want it to do
Under the eye: It doesn't always look the way I want it to look
Under the nose: What if I expressed how I felt
Under the chin: Instead of stuffing it into my body
Collar bone: My poor body is stuffed with unfelt, undigested emotions and experiences
Under the arm: No wonder it feels …
Top of the head: Whatever I can't digest or haven't fully experienced
Eyebrow: Goes into my body
Side of eye: But my body finds it hard to digest and assimilate that stuff too
Under the eye: And it's nearly impossible to eliminate what hasn't been digested
Under the nose: Because it's stuck
Under the chin: And that makes me feel ...
Collar bone: How can we help each other?
Under the arm: To let go?
Top of the head: When I think of all my body does for me and has done for me
Eyebrow: Tears come to my eyes
Side of eye: Tears of appreciation
Under the eye: My heart swells
Under the nose: With appreciation
Under the chin: For my beautiful body
Collar bone: I can honestly say, with my hand on my heart
Under the arm: I love my body
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Tapping on the karate chop (side of hand) or rubbing the sore spot, say the following set up statements. Be sure to customise this script for you and how you feel. Listen and tap along to the audio on depression.
EFT Shortcut diagram.
Even though everything is such an effort, I acknowledge how I feel
Even though … feels like it's pressing down on me, I acknowledge how it makes me feel
Even though … feels hopeless, I acknowledge how I feel
Top of the head: This feeling
Eyebrow: It feels …
Side of the eye: It's heavy
Under the eye: It weighs a ton
Under the nose: It's weighing me down
Under the chin: … is pressing down on me
Collar bone: I feel …
Under the arm: And that makes me feel …
Top of the head: This heaviness
Eyebrow: This effort
Side of the eye: This weight
Under the eye: ... takes so much effort
Under the nose: … takes all my energy
Under the chin: … is sapping my energy
Collar bone: And zest for life
Under the arm: I've no zest for life
Top of the head: And that feels …
Eyebrow: I'd love to feel light
Side of eye: I'd love to feel buoyant
Under the eye: But don't know if it's possible
Under the nose: Because there's too much weighing me down
Under the chin: I can't get rid of this weight
Collar bone: That's weighing me down
Under the arm: And sapping my energy
Top of the head: What exactly is weighing me down?
Eyebrow: What's making me feel this way?
Side of the eye: I'm open to knowing
Under the eye: I'm open to feeling
Under the nose: I'm open to allowing
Under the chin: I'm open to healing
Collar bone: This depression
Under the arm: I'm willing to feel
Top of the head: And sort through
Eyebrow: What's depressing me
Side of the eye: I'm willing to get clear
Under the eye: On what it is
Under the nose: That's pressing down on me
Under the chin: So I can feel light again
Collar bone: So I can feel free
Under the arm: Of this weight
Top of the head: I'm willing
Eyebrow: To express
Side of eye: How I feel
Under the eye: Even if only to myself
Under the nose: I'm willing to feel
Under the chin: All of my feelings
Collar bone: I'm willing to accept
Under the arm: All of my feelings
Friday, December 03, 2010
I believe we need to be aware of where we find it difficult to accept where we or others are in any given moment. In the rush to make ourself or others feel better, we can rush into reframing a situation and how we feel about it, too early. And we lose a healing opportunity as a result.
Rushing to reframe can have the effect of feeling like we're being shut up, once again. Even worse, is the intimation that these feelings are somehow unacceptable, ugly, or horrible and therefore that makes us unacceptable, ugly or horrible for having them, never mind expressing them. Two of the most damaging ways people can be shut up or shut down is to be shamed for feeling a certain way and/or to have their feelings and experiences minimised. Very often, if not always, the resulting beliefs are:
Shaming: I am wrong.
Minimising: I don't count.
The holy grail in the reframing world seems to be forgiveness. There is a lot of emphasis placed on forgiveness, so if you don't or won't forgive, what does that make you? An angry person? A resentful person? An unforgiving person? Or maybe, just maybe, it makes you a person that hasn't yet healed their hurts. If we put the cart before the horse, we're creating yet another shaming or minimising device with which to punish ourself. Guilt always seeks punishment. My preferred reframe for forgiveness is acceptance, and acceptance is a process or state of mind, it's not a step or steps we have to take to get somewhere or become something to be more acceptable or pleasing to others, or to ourself for that matter. When we can honestly say that we accept ourselves, others and life exactly as we and they are, we probably won't even need to forgive.
I have found from working with people that the very best reframes always come from them, when they are ready. My role is not to push or force them. When their experiences, beliefs and feelings have been witnessed, validated and heard they will start making shifts in how they perceive themselves, others and life. These are deep, lasting and authentic changes from the inside out.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Even though I feel irritated at/by ... I accept myself
Even though ... is really getting up my nose, I accept myself
Even though my sinuses are all bunged up, I accept how I and they feel
Top of the head: This irritation
Eyebrow: Is really irritating
Side of eye: I'm irritated
Under eye: I feel irritated
Under nose: And it's showing up in my body
Under chin: My body is speaking my mind
Collar bone: Because I feel irritated
Under arm: And my sinuses are expressing that irritation
Top of the head: I can let go of this irritation at ...
Eyebrow: Can I?
Side of eye: Do I want to?
Under eye: If they'd only stop irritating me!
Under nose: Or If I chose not to let them irritate me ...
Under chin: Do I have a choice?
Collar bone: Yes
Under arm: No!
Top of head: I'll feel the irritation
Eyebrow: So my sinuses don't have to express the irritation for me
Side of eye: Why do they get under my skin?
Under eye: And up my nose?
Under nose: The irritation is not flowing
Under chin: It's getting stuck
Collar bone: In my sinuses
Under arm: I can let it flow
Top of head: Literally!
Eyebrow: I can let it all out
Side of eye: I can eliminate all this crap
Under eye: That I don't need
Under nose: I can let it all flow out
Under chin: Of my sinuses
Collar bone: That feels better
Under arm: That feels more freeing
Monday, November 22, 2010
This is a lovely interview by Dr Mercola with Richard Bartlett, creator of Matrix Energetics, on the art of paying attention.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
This is an excerpt from the brilliantly written book by Peter Levine, Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma: The Innate Capacity to Transform Overwhelming Experiences. This book is a must read for anyone who has been traumatised.
Arousal becomes chronic as a result of overwhelming sensations and emotions that have an internal source. This is the reason that trauma can and must be transformed by working with it internally. In re-enactment the world may be our stage. In remaining external, it also remains unchanged. Hence, re-enactment rarely accomplishes its intended task.
It is to our detriment that we live in a culture that does not honour the internal world. In many cultures, the internal world of dreams, feelings, images, and sensations is sacred. Yet, most of us are only peripherally aware of its existence. We have little or no experience of finding our way around in this internal landscape. Consequently, when our experience demands it, we are unprepared. Rather than negotiating it skillfully, if we attempt it all, we are more likely to re-enact it.
With patience and attention, however, the patterns that drive traumatic re-enactment can be dismantled so that we again access the infinite, feeling tones and behavioural responses that we are capable of executing. Once we understand how trauma begins and develops, we must then learn to know ourselves through the felt sense. All the information that we need to begin renegotiating trauma is available to us. Our bodies (instincts) will tell us where the blockages are and when we are moving too fast. Our intellects can tell us how to regulate the experience so that we are not overwhelmed. When these brain functions work as one, we can establish a special relationship between the mainstream for our internal experience and the turmoil of trauma. Moving slowly and allowing the experience to unfold at each step allows us to digest the unassimilated aspects of the traumatic experience at a rate that we are able to tolerate. (Irish psychiatrist Ivor Browne calls trauma: unexperienced experience).
In the theatre of the body, trauma can be transformed. The fragmented elements that perpetuate traumatic emotion and behaviour can be completed, integrated, and made whole again. Along with this wholeness comes a sense of mastery and resolution.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Notice how you feel when you say them and where you feel these sentiments in your body. Write down what comes to mind and tap on anything that you feel may be blocking or shielding you from really connecting to and embodying the energy of creativity.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Wayne Dyer calls these seven faces of intention; Creativity, Kindness, Love, Beauty, Expansion, Abundance and Receptivity. We are a part of the energy that is called intention, when we feel connected to these energies we feel bright, we feel in the flow. Say the following sentences out loud and notice how you feel when you say them. Where do you feel the energy of these statements in your body? Maybe you can take the statement that appeals to you the most and tap on how it makes you feel. Notice if you have any blocks or shields around really embodying these seven energies of intention. When you're ready, you can move on to the next one that feels right, follow your intuition.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
I don't believe that there is any such thing as a positive or negative emotion. Many of us haven't yet learned to move energy properly so we're emotionally and energetically constipated. Energy can feel dense or it can feel light. Feeling lighter feels good. Feeling dense energy because it's slow, thick and sluggish makes us feel stuck, it feels uncomfortable because we can't handle it! That's because we're afraid of it or we've judged it as "bad" or "shameful" so we deny it, bury it and most of all, hold onto it. Which of course is the last thing we say we want to do! So, dense energy can't move and stays stuck.
We're doing the opposite of what we were designed to do; allow energy to flow in, through and out of our energy systems. How many people hang onto the so-called "positive" emotions for dear life and for fear of losing them, and don't allow new stuff to flow in as a result? And how many want to get rid of the "negative" stuff? Instead of thinking in terms of high/up and low/down, as in the popular emotional guidance scale, I prefer to think of energy in terms of being dense or light. It makes a lot of sense to me, energy is designed to move, moving energy is light, slow energy or energy that has come to a standstill is dense. Learning how to allow any energy to move in, through and out will make us lighter so we can really shine as we're designed to do! http://emotrance.com/
Monday, October 18, 2010
We tend to label what feels uncomfortable as "negative". But imagine becoming comfortable with feeling all of your feelings? Wouldn't that be great?! Imagine if feeling your feelings, is what helps you digest them, assimilate them and discharge them so they don't become STUCK? Allowing them to flow in, through and out of our bodies and minds ...
Make a list of the feelings that are really uncomfortable for you to feel, the ones you want to avoid like the plague. And start tapping on allowing yourself to feel them.
Even though I can't handle feeling hopeless, maybe I can allow myself to feel 10% of that feeling and it'll get easier and easier to feel it
Even though I can't feel ... YET, I accept myself anyway
Even though I'm afraid to feel ... because ... I accept myself anyway
Friday, October 15, 2010
Monday, October 11, 2010
Awareness, like water, is meant to flow easily, without interruption. When awareness becomes stuck, tension is created in the body. Cramps, pain, tightness, and stiffness are the most obvious symptoms of this, but at a deeper level your body is storing the memory of old stress. Yoga or deep energy work are great ways to release these body memories. Yet everyone's body has a natural mechanism for discharging tension, and you can take advantage of it immediately.
Lie down before you go to sleep at night. Assume a position flat on your back without a pillow; spread your arms and legs at your side. Draw in a deep, slow breath, then release it through your mouth in a sigh, as freely and naturally as your body wants. Some sighs may be quick, almost like a gasp; others may be as deep as a sob. You may feel a sense of relief, sadness, grief, elation, or any other emotion. Be aware of the emotions as they arise; you are not just releasing physical tension; you are accessing bodily memories at the same time. The natural discharge of tension bundles thoughts, feelings, and sensations together, so let them all go at once. Do this exercise for no more than ten minutes, because it can be intense; allow yourself to fall asleep if your body wants to. That is also part of the discharge process.
Monday, October 04, 2010
The implications of me not listening to my intuition and following it, have had quite a big impact on my life. I would get angry with others for “walking all over me” or taking advantage of me or my kindness and then I'd get angry with myself for having allowed it when I knew better. This is quite ironic as one of the biggest patterns and themes in my life has been not feeling heard or listened to, by others! It was easy for me to listen to my gut when it came to others, in fact I'd feel unkind if I didn't, but I found it difficult to act on it for myself, selfish even. I'd hear what it was saying but I would often override its message, so my body had to do my talking for me instead. The person that I was being unkind to was myself.
This is what I wanted to work on today with Ruth, listening to and following my intuition, all the time. All sorts of stuff came up, but the biggest blinker lifter for me (which might sound obvious to everyone else) was my intuition IS my power. I've heard how important it is to take your power back in the healing process, but I was abdicating my power many times by feeling too afraid to listen to my gut and act on it. I've had health issues with my gut and solar plexus areas in the last few years, indigestion, bloating, a general feeling of discomfort, symptoms very like IBS. My body was speaking my mind, but guess what, I wasn't listening or I wasn't hearing the messages clearly, because I wasn't clear. I really do believe that our intuition or inner voice is how God communicates with us. It is our direct connection to the power of God. Many times I have felt power-less and dis-connected, and the person I was most disconnected from was myself. Very often I wasn't listening to me or my gut. I wasn't plugging into my power source; my intuition, which is really just another way of saying how God, Source, The Soul, The Universe, talks to us. I'm definitely listening now!
Thanks for your kindness, compassion and allowing Ruth!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Even though I can't stomach what's going on/went on (detail it and be specific) I completely accept how I feel about this
Even though it's all stuck and I just can't seem to let it go, I love and accept myself anyway
Even though I just can't take it in, it sticks in my gullet, I love and accept myself
TH I can't take it
EB It's too much
SE To feel
UE Or understand
UN Or accept
UC It's stuck (are you getting any emotional/physical signs, such as indigestion or repressed rage?)
CB I wish it would just go away
UA But I can't make it!!
TH It's really hard to accept …
EB I don't see how I can
SE It's just not fair!
UE It's easy to accept that it wasn't fair
UN I can sort of accept how I feel about that
UC Though I don't know what to do about it
CB That's why I feel stuck
UA And angry!
TH I'd love to let all of this go
EB But I just don't know how
SE I can breathe
UE And tap
UN And become aware
UC Of how I'm feeling
CB What I'm experiencing
UA And stop denying it in all the ways that I do
TH So I can feel it
EB And take it in
SE And digest it
UE And let go of what I don't want or need
UN I can trust myself to know what to keep and what to let go of
UC Because I know
CB I just need to listen
UA To how I feel
Friday, September 24, 2010
That's another thing about having the ability to feel and experience, we come to conclusions about our self, life and others as a result of these experiences, and these conclusions or beliefs become the foundation of how we live our life and experience life from then on. I believe that unless and until we connect to the original feeling, however painful (and this is why we usually avoid feeling the feeling at all costs, because we are too frightened to feel it again, so it's very important to work on uncoupling the feeling of fear from the original feeling) we won't be able to fully dissolve the charge on a memory or belief. Tapping diagram.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Try the following set up statements for tapping on safety, then use whatever reminder phrase that feels right for you on the points. Tapping diagram.
Even though it's not safe to feel this feeling, I'm afraid … will happen, I love and accept myself anyway
Even though it's not safe to express how I really feel, even to myself, I might have to do something about it then and I'm just not ready to act, I accept myself anyway
Even though some part of me believes it's not safe to let this go, I accept how this part feels
Even though I've had this … for so long, I can now safely release it and let it go (watch for any tailenders -objections- here and tap on them if they come up)
Even though this part(s) has kept me safe for so long by not feeling … I now choose to lift the burden from this part and help her/him feel the hurt and pain
Even though some part of me feels safer hanging on to …I love and accept this part
Even though I feel protected and at the same time unsafe, I accept how all parts of me feel
Even though I feel stuck because I'm afraid to move, I love and accept myself anyway
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Sunday, September 12, 2010
One way to find core beliefs/issues is to ask your self what do you feel you have to get rid of or make go away in order for you to accept and love your self? Can you love and accept your self exactly as you are right now, even if nothing changed? If not, why not? Then, tap on your answers. Tapping diagram.
… I never lose weight, I can still love and accept myself
… this … never goes away, I'll still be able to accept and love myself exactly as I am
… I remain sick, I'm a good and lovable person
… I can't/won't accept myself exactly as I am, I am still ok
In the film, The Living Matrix, Arielle Essex talks about developing a brain tumour, and after 8 years of doing all she could to make it go away, she finally gave the tumour permission to stay, and when she did that, it disappeared. She says:
“When I finally let go of needing my tumour to disappear, when I finally accepted its presence and gave it permission to be with me to the end of my days, when I recognised it as my friend, guide and teacher, when I felt gratitude for the motivation it had given me to change my life and my thinking, when I had forgiven all the people I had grudges with, my tumour no longer had a purpose and it melted away!"
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Substitute Tiger
My interest in the essential role played by bodily responses in the genesis and treatment of panic anxiety began quite accidentally in 1969. A psychiatrist, knowing of my interest in “mind/body healing”-a fledging arena at the time, had referred a young woman to see me. Nancy had been suffering from panic attacks for about two years. She had not responded to psychotherapy, while tranquilizers and antidepressant drugs gave her only minimal relief. The referring psychiatrist asked me to do some “relaxation training” with her. My attempts were equally unsuccessful. She resisted; I tried harder. We got nowhere. Since I knew almost nothing about panic attacks at the time, I asked her for more detailed information about the ‘how and when’ of her attacks. Nancy revealed that the onset of her first attack occurred while she, along with a group of other students, was taking the Graduate Record Examination. She remembers breaking out in a cold sweat and beginning to shake. Forcing herself to complete the test, Nancy then ran out, frantically pacing the streets for hours, afraid to enter a bus or taxi. Fortunately, she met a friend who took her home. During the following two years her symptoms worsened and became more frequent. Eventually she was unable to leave her house alone and could not follow through with graduate school even though she had passed the exam and was accepted by a major university.
In our conversation, Nancy recollected the following sequence of events: Arriving early, she went to the cafe to have a coffee and smoke a cigarette. A group of students were already there, talking about how difficult the test was. Nancy, overhearing this, became agitated, lit another cigarette, and gulped a second coffee. She remembered feeling quite jittery upon entering the room. She recalled that the exams and marking pencils were passed out and that she wrote vigorously. She became almost breathless at this point and quite agitated--I noticed that her carotid (neck) pulse was increasing rapidly. I asked Nancy to lie down and I tried to get her to relax. Relaxation was not the answer. As I naively, and with the best of intentions, attempted to help her relax, she went into a full-blown anxiety attack. Her heartbeat accelerated further to about 150 beats per minute. Her breathing and pulse rate then started to decrease. I was relieved, but only momentarily. Her pulse continued to drop, precipitously to around 50 beats per minute; she became still. Her face paled and her hands begin to tremble: “I’m real scared…stiff all over…I’m dying…I can’t move…I don’t want to die…help me…don’t let my die.” She continued to stiffen, her throat becoming so tight that she could barely speak. Nancy forced the words, “Why can’t I understand this…I feel so inferior, like I’m being punished…there’s something wrong with me…I feel like I’m going to be killed… there’s nothing…it’s just blank.” (We had rather unfortunately co-discovered, some years before it was reported in the literature, “relaxation-induced panic syndrome.”) Read on
Monday, August 23, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
~ Silvia Hartmann
You can make life a lot easier for your self if you're willing. Willingness is probably the most important ingredient when you embark on a healing journey. You can do a lot when you're willing. Being willing means wanting to do something, not forcing yourself to do something, that's willpower, not willingness. Willpower takes effort, a lot of effort, it's sort of like swimming upstream, against the current with a big sack on your back, it's exhausting! And that struggle and effort are some of the most important reasons why we don't follow through on a lot of things that we say we want. When all parts of us aren't willing, we'll do all sorts of things to sabotage our healing efforts. Not being willing will manifest as:
~ Self sabotage
~ Conflict, particularly conflicted parts that want different things
~ Avoidance (denial, burying, stuffing, distraction, dissociation, suppression, shutting down) of the issue and the related feelings
~ Not feeling safe. Safety is one of the most important core issues to tap on, it underlies many if not all issues and is a primary reason for not being willing to heal
One of the most important things to tap on therefore, is being willing or wanting to heal. Try some of the following set up statements. Tapping diagram.
Even though I'm not willing to heal because … I completely accept how I feel right now
Even though a part of me is not willing because … I accept and understand how that part feels
Even though I'm not willing to feel … I accept how I feel about that
Even though one part is willing and another part isn't because … I completely accept and understand this conflict
Even though all of this feels forced, maybe because it's not what I truly want, I am now open to what my heart truly desires because I know it will be effortless
Even though I just don't want to make the effort, I accept how I feel right now
Even though I don't feel safe moving forward, I accept how I feel at this moment
Monday, August 16, 2010
Do your self a favour at the start of the healing process, ask your self how willing you are to heal. Rate the truth of how willing you are from 0 to 10. Be completely honest. You can tap on all the reasons as to why you're not willing which will make your healing journey a lot easier and less painful. You might be surprised at the answers you come up with.
To heal we need to be willing to:
1 Look at something
2 Acknowledge it and
3 Feel it.
Willingness is not the same as willpower. Willingness is being open, being receptive and aware of what needs to be done. Willingness is effortless when all parts of you are on board.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Early in my career I worked with David,* a handsome, intelligent client who was a professional actor. One day David came to see me after an unsuccessful audition. Beside himself, he burst out: "I never let on to anyone, but I know that I'm really very ugly; it's so stupid that I'm trying to be an actor when I'm so painful to look at."
David's childhood was characterized by emotional abuse, neglect and abandonment. The last and unwanted child of a large family, his alcoholic father repeatedly terrorized him. To make matters worse, his family frequently humiliated him by reacting to him with exaggerated looks of disgust. His older brother's favorite gibe, accompanied by a nauseated grimace, was, "I can't stand looking at you. The sight of you makes me sick!" David was so traumatized by the contempt with which his family had treated him that he was easily triggered by anything but the most benign expression on my face. If he came into session already triggered, he would often project disgust onto me, no matter how much genuine goodwill and regard I felt for him at the time.
I have come to call these reactions, typical of David and of many other clients over the years, emotional flashbacks—sudden and often prolonged regressions ("amygdala hijackings") to the frightening and abandoned feeling-states of childhood. They are accompanied by inappropriate and intense arousal of the fight/flight instinct and the sympathetic nervous system. Typically, they manifest as intense and confusing episodes of fear, toxic shame, and/or despair, which often beget angry reactions against the self or others. When fear is the dominant emotion in an emotional flashback, the individual feels overwhelmed, panicky or even suicidal. When despair predominates, it creates a sense of profound numbness, paralysis and an urgent need to hide. Feeling small, young, fragile, powerless and helpless is also common in emotional flashbacks. Such experiences are typically overlaid with toxic shame, which, as described in John Bradshaw's Healing The Shame That Binds, obliterates an individual's self-esteem with an overpowering sense that she is as worthless, stupid, contemptible or fatally flawed, as she was viewed by her original caregivers. Toxic shame inhibits the individual from seeking comfort and support, and in a reenactment of the childhood abandonment she is flashing back to, isolates her in an overwhelming and humiliating sense of defectiveness. Clients who view themselves as worthless, defective, ugly or despicable are showing signs of being lost in an emotional flashback. When stuck in this state, they often polarize affectively into intense self-hate and self-disgust, and cognitively into extreme and virulent self-criticism.
Numerous clients tell me that the concept of an emotional flashback brings them a great sense of relief. They report that for the first time they are able to make some sense of their extremely troubled lives. Some get that their addictions are misguided attempts to self-medicate. Some understand the inefficacy of the myriad psychological and spiritual answers they pursued, and are in turn feel liberated from a shaming plethora of misdiagnoses. Some can now frame their extreme episodes of risk taking and self-destructiveness as desperate attempts to distract themselves from their pain. Many experience hope that they can rid themselves of the habit of amassing evidence of defectiveness or craziness. Many report a budding recognition that they can challenge the self-hate and self-disgust that typically thwarts their progress in therapy. Read on.
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Why do we find it so difficult to feel certain feelings? We hang onto the “good” ones for dear life and avoid the “bad” ones for dear life!! Neither approach creates ease and flow, the first creates stagnation and the latter, blockages. When we feel good, others usually don't have an issue with it, but if we feel less than good, others can find it hard to handle and we can feel judged or criticised. We think this is about us because of our baggage, but most likely they are being triggered by our feelings, usually because they have disowned those very feelings. We, on the other hand are triggered by their judgements and criticisms and feel bad and wrong for feeling the way we do, which most likely is a pattern that we keep repeating. We will try and distance our self from feelings that feel bad and uncomfortable and feelings that seem to invite criticism from others. What this adds up to is a denial of our humanity and our ability and gift to be able to feel anything and everything.
If, when we were young, certain feelings were not accepted, criticised and shamed, we will suppress them, we will do anything to feel safe within our family so as not to feel/be rejected or abandoned. Many of us carry these fears of feeling certain feelings into adulthood, associating them with the danger of not being loved, accepted or safe. We will find it really hard, if not impossible, to give a voice to these feelings, we'll deny them, bury them, avoid them, distract our self from them, do whatever we have to do to not feel them. But life won't let us get away with this, we'll eventually be called upon to make our true feelings known, even if only to our self. If we refuse to feel our feelings, our bodies will do the talking and feeling for us, our bodies never lie. That unfelt energy has to go somewhere and it's our bodies who usually take it on for us. Without the priceless feedback from our emotions and feelings we would find it very difficult to navigate through life. We wouldn't be able to feel touched by beautiful music and we wouldn't fear going near the edge of a cliff. Feelings give our life meaning and context, how could we attribute meaning to anything without being able to feel?
In his book Ageless Body Timeless Mind, Deepak Chopra describes hurt “as the most basic negative feeling”. He goes on to say that:
Coming to the moment by putting your attention on the pain allows you to release the pain as soon as it occurs. This release occurs naturally- it is what the body wants to do- and attention is the healing power that triggers it. Putting attention on your feelings gets you closer to the state of witnessing; you observe the pain without getting wrapped up in all the secondary blame, avoidance, and denial that usually follows. As you learn to say, "I feel hurt", and really be with that feeling, more openness will develop. the emotions that frighten us are the complex ones, because they overwhelm the natural release mechanism. You cannot simply release guilt or depression. They are secondary formations that arose once you forgot how to release hurt. The more hurt you honestly feel, the more comfortable you will be with pain, because the ability to release it will grow. As this happens, you will feel easier about all your other emotions. (To a blocked mind, feeling 'positive' emotions such as love and trust is often just as difficult as feeling 'negative' emotions such as hate and distrust. Both are elauded by old unresolved hurts). Feeling easy with your emotions means that you won't get entangled in other people's.
Another fantastic read on the subject of feelings is, Biology of Love, by Arthur Janov, he writes:
Ideas cannot change feelings. Only feelings can. This seemingly simple notion has profound implications. For if we are trying to regain our humanity, we need to regain our feelings; and we cannot do that through the mode of ideas alone. To regain feeling one must fully experience all the hurt blocking it, and bring the pain to conscious awareness. Then an "idea" can make changes, when it flows out of feelings. Conscious awareness strips the unconscious of its power to direct behaviour. Ideas and feelings reside in different places in the brain. We must not try to make one level do the work of another level. We must not attempt to use ideas to replace feelings. The feeling of feeling involves specific structures in the brain such as the hippocampus and amygdala. Ideas about those feelings are processed in the top-level cortex, specifically the left hemisphere, forward part of the brain. If we use the frontal cortex alone to feel, we are in trouble. The most we can expect is a crying "about", an adult looking back at childhood, instead of a child actually feeling her hurts.
Monday, July 26, 2010
The first step is to be aware. When you're mindful you notice, in the moment, that you are re-acting, which is when you move into responding instead. This brings you immediately into the present moment, where you can act from a position of clarity and authentic power.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
The feeling to start with, is the last feeling, in this case, disloyalty. Disloyalty will act like a block or a fence around the original feeling that is causing you disturbance. You'll find tapping on disloyalty, and all its aspects, will naturally lead you, like dominoes falling against one another, to the next feeling and the next and so on. This way, you'll be able to collapse and dissolve the energetic charges certain feelings cause you, much more easily.Tapping diagram
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Emotional honesty begins with being able to acknowledge what you feel. It is the way by which we honour the fact that we are emotional beings and that we do have feelings. This is something adults often fail to realise about children, that they are emotional beings. Consequently, as adults, we fail to recognise it about ourselves. It is not always necessary for you to announce to others what you feel. You must, however, allow yourself to feel it. Only through the experience of what you feel are you able to stay in touch with your inner self. Once you are in touch you will realise that all feelings are neutral, and that they derive their meaning from the energy that we give them. In essence, there are no good or bad feelings unless we tell ourselves they are good or bad. The actual conflict or confusion we experience is knowing the difference between acknowledging what we feel and the appropriate expression of that knowledge. Being able to identify and acknowledge what you feel is a sign of emotional health and stability. It empowers you to choose the appropriate response. When, on the other hand, you get stuck judging the right and wrong of your emotional experiences, to the degree that you deny having them, you are painting yourself into a very tight corner, an emotional tight spot that can often lead to inappropriate expressions.
Whether or not you are involved in a love relationship, emotional suppression, which is a form of self-deception, does not honour you, nor does it honour those with whom you interact in any way. Self-deception is failure to acknowledge the truth about yourself or others. If you cannot accept truth, you are in denial. When you are involved in something as powerful as loving yourself and others, the attempt to deny the depths of your experience creates what you know as pain. In the meantime, while you don't have this figured out, you are prone to do everything in your power to deny what you feel, believing that denial will keep you from speaking the painful truth. Important love rule here: acknowledgement and expression are not the same thing! Acknowledgement means having the courage to admit to yourself what you are feeling. Expression means having the presence of mind and the courage to let someone else know. They are two active reminders that love does not strip you of your decision-making faculties or the power to make a choice.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Friday, July 09, 2010
Even though I lose momentum, I accept myself
Even though I can't seem to stick to things that I really like, I accept where I am
Even though I sometimes forget what's really important to me, I accept myself
TH I'm losing momentum
EB With important things
UE I don't know
UN I need to keep feeding my spirit
UC With things that matter
CB I need to surround myself
UA With reminders
TH Of what's important to me
EB I want to dissolve
SE All resistance
UE To my good
UN I know it's there
UC I just need to connect
CB And stay connected
UA To my source
TH Of energy
EB Because it's who I am
SE I am that
UE I know it
UN I feel it
UC It is me
CB We're connected
UA Even if I forget sometimes
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
If you want to communicate with another person, you must hear their fear and not dismiss it. You must hear a person's pain and not overlook it. It is important to hear a person's guilt and not buy into it. You must be ready to hear a person's anger and not fuel it. Most people need to know that they have been heard. Listen to their body. Listen to their eyes. Listen to colours they are wearing, they way they touch their hair. Listen to the volume. Listen to the tempo. If you really want to hear someone, open your heart and listen to their soul.
Until today, you may not have been able to hear what people are saying to you. Just for today, close your eyes when you are in a conversation. Hear every word that is spoken through the centre of your heart.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Scan your body for signs of constriction and tap on the constriction. Notice if the contriction changes in quality as you tap, pay attention to the smallest and biggest of signs. If your breath becomes constricted if you meet with resistance to feeling any constriction, breathe through it and keep tapping. Tapping diagram.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Constricted breathing technique
German New Medicine
John Diamond M.D., Your Body Doesn't Lie: Unlock the Power of Your Natural Energy!
Robert Scaer M.D., The Body Bears the Burden, Trauma Dissociation and Disease
Monday, June 14, 2010
Avoiding, denying, suppressing, or the urgency to get rid of something, are all conscious ways we use to avoid pain. Because it takes so much energy to avoid, the act of avoiding creates a strong energetic pull of the very thing we're trying so hard to avoid, into our life. We usually want to avoid because of fear but paradoxically, we will attract what we are most afraid of. Not to prove anything about us, but primarily because our focus is on the thing we're avoiding. We also know on some level that there is an opportunity to bring healing and resolution to a lifelong pattern by turning towards what we're most afraid of, instead of turning away from it.
What are you most afraid of? Do you avoid it? How do you avoid it? Make a list of how, why and what you avoid. There are steps that you can take, to disarm the charge on what you don't want and want to get rid of. When EFT is used along with the various steps below, it really helps us to dissolve the charge we have on the situations, feelings or people that we want to avoid and are afraid of.
Step 1 Identify how, why and what you avoid.
Step 2 Acknowledge how, why and what you avoid or want to get rid of.
Step 3 Accept how, why and what you avoid without judging, blaming, projecting it onto others or criticising your self or others.
Step 4 Pay attention to whatever surfaces and write it down.
Step 5 Become aware of the deeper message by asking how this issue or pattern serves your healing.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
How do you relate to your Self? With love and kindness or with judgement and criticism? Try the following script for self acceptance, please customise it to how you feel and your personal circumstances. Tapping diagram
Even though I don't accept myself, I accept how I feel
Even though I can't accept myself because ...(detail your answers, this is your "evidence" so to speak) I accept how I feel
Even though I have never accepted myself, I accept myself and all my feelings
Top of the head: I don't accept myself
Eyebrow: I can't
Side of eye: I won't
Under eye: Because ...
Under nose: I'm not accepted by others either
Under chin: I crave acceptance
Collar bone: But it never comes
Under arm: Why?
Top of head: Because I don't deserve acceptance
Eyebrow: There are so many reasons why I don't deserve to be accepted
Side of eye: For who I am
Under eye: For what I feel
Under nose: For what I've done
Under chin: For what I could have done
Collar bone: For what I do
Under arm: For what I don't do
Top of head: I have too many faults to be accepted
Eyebrow: So there are good reasons for others not to accept me and for me not to accept myself
Side of eye: But I still want acceptance
Under eye: I still need acceptance
Under nose: How can I get acceptance?
Under chin: How can I make myself more acceptable?
Collar bone: By pleasing others
Under arm: But that only works for a short while
Top of head: And then I feel resentful
Eyebrow: And don't want to do it any more
Side of eye: But I don't know what else to do
Under eye: What about pleasing myself?
Under nose: At least I'll be happy!
Under chin: But others won't
Collar bone: And that makes me feel ...
Under arm: Can I handle it if others are upset with me?
Top of head: Maybe
Eyebrow: Maybe not
Side of eye: Maybe it doesn't matter
Under eye: Maybe the important thing here is acceptance
Under nose: Of everything
Under chin: Including me
Collar bone: So I can stop struggling
Under arm: To be accepted
Top of head: Because it doesn't work anyway!
Eyebrow: I'm doing what isn't working
Side of eye: So I choose to change my mind
Under eye: And do something different
Under nose: So I have different results
Under chin: The results I want!
Collar bone: Which is self acceptance
Under arm: That feels more empowering
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Thursday, June 03, 2010
Few people entering counseling would say "I want to be more resilient." However many people entering counseling might say, "I don't easily adapt to change." Resilience gives us that capacity to respond easily to the changes in our circumstances. It helps us to let things go and move on. Without resilience we tend to become entrenched in old patterns.
Most people think of resilience as a mental thing. They are strong thinkers and believe that their ability to bounce back from hardship is because they "will" themselves into it. However, being driven or pushing oneself through life is very different than "resilience". A truly resilient individual can flexibly respond to one's changing circumstances--not in a collapsed defeated way nor with a "I'll do it if it kills me" attitude. Resilience, on the other hand, is a body based state that largely depends on the health of your nervous system. A healthy, resilient nervous system moves easily and rhythmically between stimulation and discharge. In other words, the nervous system manages energy well.
We all experience stress and it is the health of our nervous system that determines whether we get freaked out or literally let it go. An individual with a resilient nervous system can contain the stress and not be adversely affected by it. Someone who has a "maxed out" nervous system experiences the stress more intensely and it takes him or her longer to come down from it. Continue reading
Monday, May 31, 2010
The issue I see with these approaches is that there is a fundamental belief that we are not innately good and that there is something innately wrong with us. Seeing good as something external and something bad as internal are very powerful beliefs that we can tap on. The language we use is so telling, it is an accurate reflection of our beliefs and thoughts, and can guide us easily to what the real issues are.
Examine any beliefs you may have that do not serve you and use EFT to dissolve them. Tapping diagram.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Article by Luis S. R. Vas, http://www.lifepositive.com/Body/Breath/Sensing_The_Body102007.asp
By changing one’s breathing, by placing the attention on the softness of the out-breath, one can change the energy of a room, one can turn an argument into a dialogue. The apparently simple act of sensing the body releases its healing potential in a powerful way and has been adopted by numerous therapists in their work.
Usually this sensing is accomplished in two stages. The first stage is sensing the breath. The second is scanning the whole body under certain conditions.
As we breathe in we take in impressions via the senses, as we breathe out we let go of what we took in. The process happens with each in-breath and with each out–breath; the process of birth and dying.
Yet, as we breathe in we receive impressions and simultaneously we discriminate, we assess certain impressions as favourable and others as not favourable. In this act of in–breath we practise “becoming”, we shape our reality, our sense of self; we identify with our likes and dislikes. We create our personality.
The out-breath is essentially an act of emptying, of letting go, a freeing of identity in order to receive the next in-breath in an unconditioned way, free from past fears or future anxieties. This is the potential of breathing.
Breathing is more than the process of air passing in and out of the body, breathing is also the consciousness, the level of awareness of each person.
In some therapies, for example, working with one’s breath is a central tool to diagnose and to evaluate the level of one’s awareness. By working with the breath one is exercising and awakening one’s awareness, and therefore stimulating our own healing potentiality. Practitioners are often surprised that by working with the breath they become involved in their own healing process in a most direct and immediate way and at that moment strengthen their healing potential.
Letting-go of the breath, letting-go of becoming, letting go of the emotional weight necessary to keep our personality going, is a first act of healing, then taking in is free from conditions, free from holding on to a sense of “self”. Thus the healing potential of each individual returns to its natural rhythm.
As practitioners discover their own potentiality through the mindful practice of breathing they become more attuned to their breathing.
Furthermore through their own practice practitioners will have experienced that there is a gap between the end of the outbreath and the start of the next in-breath. This gap is not the same as holding one’s breath. Naturally as the outbreath ends there is a sense of “no–need to become, no need to be reborn” and the awareness rests in that gap or space; this is where practitioners can meet their own awareness and potentiality, this is where healing takes place.
To cultivate the awareness of the “space” between out-breath and in-breath is vital in the assessing and exercising of the healing potential. If at that point practitioners can rest their attention in that “space” a true healing is experienced. This is the beginning of healing the human condition from its incessant grasping at the next in-breath in order to re-affirm its “personality”.
Basically where attention is, breath is; where attention is, energy flows. Breathing goes on all the time, for all of us regardless of the activity, place or time. It is therefore a most suitable tool to exercise awareness, and to stimulate healing. It is a true barometer of where we are at any given moment.
Every thought, emotion, opinion, or idea we have, is acc-ompanied by a change in breathing! Many times we are not aware of this but it occurs all the same. By changing one’s breathing, by placing the attention on the softness of the out-breath, one can change the energy of a room; one can turn an argument into a dialogue. Therefore the practitioners can help change their condition simply by practising awareness of the breath, especially at first the awareness of the out-breath in their own belly.
Now we come to the second stage of body sensing.
The method is first of all to develop the skill of observing the body in the four basic postures, standing, walking, sitting, lying down, and to link this awareness of the body to all life activities.
The sensing starts with the awareness of the body as it is slower and denser than mind and so can be more easily observed. Through the repeated and consistent observation of the body and its activities, the practitioner will not fail to become more aware of the mental states that accompany the bodily activities.
From the observation of the body and mind one goes on to the training or taming of the body and mind. This means, for example, that if you perform a certain activity like answering the phone or opening a door, your att-ention(mind) is with the body movement, not ahead of it or behind it. How often while one is doing a simple daily activity like switching on the kettle, the attention is on what has just taken place or on what is about to happen. Training the body and mind means teaching the attention to come back to what is happening at that moment, here in this body, now in this moment, no matter how many times one needs to call the attention back.
It is a simple, not always easy, but simple method. Again this is practised in the four basic postures and in all daily life activities.
The next part of the training is liberating, freeing mind. The practitioner will by now have realised or at least touched on the experience that suffering or dissatisfaction in one’s life is totally linked to the sense of self-identity, me and mine, my views and my needs, “wanting what I do not get, and getting what I do not want”.
The sensing practice will help us release our grip, our hold onto “this is me, this is mine” condition. With patience and kindness to this “me”, we will gradually become less dominated in our response to the world by the acquisitive, the averse or the confused characteristic which normally dominates us.
Over time with lots of dedicated practice and lots of good-will the four sublime abodes, Loving Kindness, Compassion, Sympathetic Joy and Equanimity, will become our true refuge in self-healing.
Thus body sensing is a form of training available to all, it is not a gift nor the privilege of the few. All that is required is an honest intention to look into the mirror of body awareness again and again with a sense of humour and kindness.
Basic body sensing exercise
• Sit with an alert and relaxed body posture so that you feel relatively comfortable without moving. (You can sit either in a straight-back chair with your feet flat on the floor, or on a thick, firm cushion three to six inches off the floor.)
• Keep your back, neck and head vertically aligned, relax your shoulders and find a comfortable place for your hands (usually on your knees).
• Bring your attention to your breathing. Observe the breath as it flows in and out. Give full attention to the feeling of the breath as it comes in, and goes out. Whenever you find that your attention has moved elsewhere, just note it, and let go and gently escort your attention back to the breath, to the rising and falling of your own belly.
• When you can maintain some continuity of attention on the breath, try expanding the field of your awareness “around” your belly to include a sense of your body as a whole.
• Maintain this awareness of the body sitting and breathing, and, when the mind wanders, bring it back to sitting and breathing.
• After your have gained enough practice proceed to do steps 4 and 5 with the other three basic body postures, standing, walking, and lying down, and to link this awareness of the body to all life activities.