Monday, June 15, 2009


I wrote this article for the Self Healing Portal's newsletter. You can download the free ebook, You CAN heal with EFT by Jo Hainsworth from

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Trusting your self is synonymous with an acceptance, respect and love for your self. When we are babies we are entirely dependent on our caregivers to look after us, to meet all of our needs for love, food, shelter and warmth. We learn whether we can trust (have the faith and belief) that our needs will be met. This gives us our sense of security and safety in the world, it makes us feel we belong, that we are cherished and loved. If our needs are nurtured we develop a healthy sense of self worth that continues to flourish throughout our life. If, however, our needs are not met or are shamed, the seeds of self doubt, shame and guilt set in and start to grow into branches of feeling bad, worthless, unlovable, unsafe and so on. If children receive the message that their needs are not important, they deduce that neither are they as a result. If you have been shamed for having needs, you begin to feel who you are at your core is wrong. Children learn to deny, repress, minimise and disown their needs. They canʼt trust their needs or who they are. There is no safe haven to retreat to, which ultimately becomes exhausting and takes a heavy toll.

In many situations, needs will be met depending on certain conditions, and so we adapt ourselves to meet these conditions. Very often this develops into someone becoming a “doer” or a “people pleaser” in life. If who you are is not enough, maybe what you do will get your needs met.

Acknowledging and honouring the existence of our needs without feeling shame or guilt is critical to our emotional health. Being able to reach out and ask for our needs to be met is another step forward. Being able to receive, without having to feel we have to do or give anything in return, is a proportional reflection of how much love and acceptance we have for our self.

Listening to and following our inner voice or intuition leads to self trust. The more we do this, the more we trust that voice. We see that trusting it leads us to our greatest good, which was always inside of us, it is who we are at our core. EFT helps us to reveal that goodness.
  • Even though I have always felt ashamed for having needs, I now choose to release my shame and acknowledge and listen to what my needs are
  • Even though I'm afraid to ask for my needs to be met, maybe I'll (they'll) be rejected again, I choose to acknowledge and meet some of my own needs myself. My heart is opening to the truth that the more I receive from myself and others, the more I have to give to myself and others
  • Even though I hold the belief that it is not safe to trust because I've always felt unsafe, I really donʼt want to be hurt and let down again, I honour that belief, it protected me until now, maybe that belief no longer serves my highest good
  • Even though I have never been able to trust others and that makes me feel …., I acknowledge and accept how all parts of me feel about that
  • Even though it is exhausting not being able to trust others, even the people who are close to me (or supposedly close) and I feel completely alone and lonely, I am now willing and choose to be there for myself. The first step is acknowledging and honouring my feelings
  • Even though I am ashamed of having no one in my life that I can depend on, maybe it's because I'm bad and I'm terrified of people finding that out, because they will do/feel….., I choose to be there for all of me anyway
  • Even though I am so ashamed to admit that I don't have anyone in my life that I can really trust and be myself with and maybe I feel others will take advantage of that and I'll feel even more worthless and alone, I truly appreciate how strong and resilient I really am to have survived
  • Even though I could do with a break, I'm exhausted being on guard all the time, and I'm sick of being strong, I choose to be kind and gentle with myself and let myself off the hook
  • Even though I wish OTHERS would give me a break, I accept how I feel and I am choosing not to judge my feelings and needs for once, I am giving myself a break!!!
  • Even though I am sick and tired of second guessing myself all the time, I'm constantly on the look out (usually for something bad), I am willing to look for the good, especially in me, no matter how small, it will grow by me seeing it
  • Even though I have learned to feel shame every time I have a need, maybe I can allow myself one need a day from now on
  • Even though I don't trust myself or my needs, I choose to know that learning to trust myself is an act of self love, self respect and self loyalty
  • Even though I don't feel worthy of having needs in the first place, never mind having them met, I am willing to feel worthy, I want to feel worthy! I choose to thrive not just survive
  • Even though I've been burned in the past, I trusted the wrong people and I'm really angry with them and myself, I am willing to learn to listen to what is my true voice and trust it. I know on some level this voice has my highest good at heart and I can trust this voice. I choose to open my heart little by little and to feel safe again in asking and trusting my needs will be met
  • Even though my voice is only a whisper at the moment, I choose for it to grow stronger each and every day, that way I will be able to hear and follow it better
  • Even though it is really me who I don't trust and that makes me feel....., I choose to respect and trust my inner guidance/voice, it will always be there for me no matter what and it feels good to know I have that to depend and lean on. I know deep down on some level that acceptance and love is my way through and out

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