Monday, February 23, 2015

Fear of conflict tapping script

Have you ever remained quiet when someone said or did something awful and stewed about it afterwards? I have, many times. It actually feels a lot worse than challenging the person about their behaviour at the time it happens. Being a peace lover is not the same as being a peace maker. Making peace involves standing up for yourself and holding the other person accountable for what they have done and said. Whether they choose to take responsibility or not is not under your control, but it is your answer as to whether it is worth your while having this person in your life. Setting and respecting your boundaries creates genuine, authentic peace. It's good for you and ultimately good for the other person, even if they don't realise it at the time, or ever.

What often stops us from challenging another person on their behaviour is our fear of conflict. So we stay quiet. Which often gives implicit permission to the other person to continue with their bad behaviour. They don't seem to mind conflict, in fact they might even thrive on it. But I can guarantee if you challenge them and stand up for yourself, they'll soon get pretty tired of being rude or unkind, if only because they don't want to listen to you challenging their behaviour.

Try tapping on the following sentences and see if they help, as always, make sure to customise the words for your unique situation.

Even though I'm afraid of conflict because (what's the worst that could happen?) I completely accept how I feel about that

Even though I feel this conflict ... (where do you feel it in your body, is it everywhere or in one spot?) I accept these feelings and sensations

Even though these sensations feel ... I am willing to be present with them

Top of the head: This fear
Eyebrow: Of conflict
Side of eye: Of raised voices
Under the eye: Of someone being angry with me
Under the nose: If I stand up for myself
Under the chin: If I speak up
Collar bone: Wait a minute
Under the arm: Why are they angry with me?!

Top of the head: I'm the one who should be angry
Eyebrow: They're causing this conflict, not me
Side of eye: I'm trying to avoid it
Under the eye: Because ...
Under the nose: I'm afraid
Under the chin: Of ...
Collar bone: This fear reminds me of ...
Under the arm: And I'm reacting in the same way as I did then

Top of the head: To protect myself
Eyebrow: But is it working now?
Side of the eye: Is avoiding conflict working?
Under the eye: I'm scared that ...
Under the nose: And I acknowledge this fear
Under the chin: I can feel this fear
Collar bone: And not act on it
Under the arm: I know what's right

Top of the head: I just can't bring myself to do it
Eyebrow: Because of fear
Side of the eye: My fear is freezing me
Under the arm: I can't seem to act
Under the nose: Because I'm frozen
Under the chin: I can melt some of this frozen feeling
Collar bone: By feeling it
Under the arm: And not avoiding it

Top of the head: I can tell that person how I feel
Eyebrow: And if they don't like it
Side of the eye: So what?
Under the eye: But I still feel afraid
Under the nose: And that's ok
Unde the chin: Maybe they even sense my fear
Collar bone: And that's why they dump their crap onto me
Under the arm: But I don't have to take it any more

Top of the head: I have a choice
Eyebrow: Even if sometimes it doesn't feel that way
Side of the eye: I can choose not to take ...
Under the eye: That feels ... (empowering?)
Under the nose: I have a choice
Under the chin: I can make choices that serve me
Collar bone: Which will ultimately serve everyone
Under the arm: That feels ...

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