Monday, February 22, 2010

Using EFT for feeling disloyal

Do you ever feel disloyal saying something about a loved one to someone else? Do you ever feel disloyal even feeling something you "shouldn't" feel about a loved one?

The feeling that you are being disloyal, stops the natural process of feeling and consequently the feeling becomes stuck. Over time, not feeling our feelings causes a lot of pressure, and sometimes we blow up or lash out at others because we cannot contain the pressure and stress that stuffing our feelings down causes. Then we'll feel guilty and berate our self. Stuffing, repressing, denying is akin to placing a dam in a river so that the water in the river stops flowing. What happens to the water on the other side of the dam? There is a build up of pressure which causes an enormous strain that pushes hard against the dam structure. And what happens if the dam never opens or does not have some kind of release mechanism to allow the water out? The dam will burst, just as we do when we don't feel.

Sometimes the pressure is turned inwards and even though we try our absolute best to press those feelings down as far as they will go, and hide the fact that we feel these “bad” feelings, they still manage to leak out. To help us in our plight not to feel our feelings, we might binge, or drink, or do whatever else. We'll question how we feel at each and every turn in our lives which is exhausting, depleting and eats away at our self worth. And the cycle starts again. Until we learn to break it, by feeling our feelings.

Right now, make a list of what you believe to be bad feelings. Feelings you should not be feeling. Pay attention to where and from whom you picked this belief up from, your mother, a sister, an uncle, a grandfather. We learn to berate and deride any valid feelings we may have about a situation, person or feeling, because of these beliefs. You live your life from this "truth", so you were and are an excellent student of your teachers. What would the consequences have been if you had continued feeling certain feelings and had also expressed them? Sadly, we learn not to trust our feelings or our self, just because we feel so many feelings that are on the "bad list". We've been taught or have deduced we are wrong for even having these feelings in the first place, so we question them, question our self for having them and then we do our utmost to deny them.

Rate the truth of how disloyal you believe a certain feeling to be and start tapping. For example, if the feeling is anger, tap on:

Even though I feel disloyal feeling angry at ... I completely accept the way I feel


Even though I feel disloyal expressing my anger at my brother to my friend, and wonder what they think of me for saying and feeling this, I love and accept myself and choose to feel the feeling anyway

Feeling our feelings is a natural and essential process for emotional health and growth. It is something we do naturally when we're younger until we learn how not to do it. Feeling, with no interruptions, helps us to digest and assimilate what occurs in our lives. And very importantly, it allows us to let go of what we no longer need. If we don't follow this natural process we become emotionally constipated and feel awful as a result. Feelings are like our own personal GPS system, they help us to navigate our life without getting lost, they guide us. Trust your feelings, whatever they are, and exercise your natural ability and gift to feel your feelings. EFT short cut diagram


Noreen said...

P.S. Your feelings do not have to be expressed to another person, you can express them by feeling them for your self. Writing them down, painting them, playing them on an instrument, are also healthy ways to feel your feelings. And tap when you feel any resistance whatsoever to fully feeling.

Renay Matthews, D.A. Hom said...

Thank you for that P.S. Most excellent post Noreen. Have a super day.

Noreen said...

Thanks Renay, delighted you liked it. Enjoy your day too :-)

Gillian Wightman said...


I think this is the crux of most things, we deny our feelings, because we feel disloyal but that way they get well and truly stuck. A little open honest allowing and they are flowing again and then there is room for real love and understanding and compassion as we get in touch with the bigger picture and the other side of the story!


Noreen said...

That's so true Gill, compassion comes naturally when we just allow things.

Jade Barbee said...

Wonderful, Noreen. Feeling guilty or ashamed of our feelings is so big. Thanks for encouraging us to explore this. I have never thought about fear of being disloyal - but (as a taurus), this strikes a few chords! Thank you. peace, Jade

Noreen said...

Thanks Jade, delighted that it resonated with you. I think it's a really common block to not allowing certain feelings, never mind allowing our self to feel them!