Iyanla Vanzant - Until Today

Until Today is one of my favourite books by Iyanla Vanzant, one of my favourite authors. She always hits the nail on the head.

'I will know peace when ... I examine what I feel beneath what I am feeling.

It can be frightening to experience and express anger. Even more frightening is the hurt that caused the anger in the first place. When you get hurt, you get angry. You believe that the anger is directed outward, toward the person who hurt you. The truth is, anger as a response to hurt is always directed inward. You are angry that you trusted someone who turned out to be the wrong person to trust. You are angry that you loved too much. Cared too much. Because it is hard to admit these things to yourself, about yourself, you point the finger out there, at them! The challenge is to recognise that it is much easier to be angry at someone than it is to say, "You hurt me". When you are angry, you are in control. Control is what you believe you must have to avoid being hurt.

Being hurt is a sign that there is something in you that requires your attention. Being hurt is a sign that you have been engaging in a pattern of behaviour that no longer serves who you are. When you get hurt, it means that you have a tender spot you have been resisting the need to address. Along comes some unsuspecting soul, doing what they do, in the way they do it, and they stick their finger in the tender spot.

It makes you angry that you didn't see it coming. You are angry because you believe you should have known better. Anger in response to a hurt is a clear sign that you were hurt to begin with. You need to stop being angry long enough to examine your own heart and mind.

Until today, you may have believed that someone you trusted or loved has done something to make you angry. Just for today, lay your anger aside. Look beneath the anger to find the hurt that you have buried to avoid dealing with it.

Today I am digging up old hurts and putting them to rest!'