Why pushing through doesn’t work

In our rush to feel better, we want to go as fast as we can, which is completely understandable. But that can backfire. We often end up flooded and overwhelmed, what some might call an abreaction. But really, what’s actually happening is too much is coming up too soon and it’s too much for our system to handle.

Stuff that we’ve buried for years and even forgotten or didn’t know was there and stuff that we’re truly sick of dealing with. If we keep going fast, or pushing through, or trying to be strong, or trying to fix ourselves at all costs, or trying to do it perfectly we’ll end up retraumatised and even more afraid of the sensations that our bodies contain. A loop is created and it starts to feel like we can’t break out of it because our bodily sensations and emotions become even more intolerable. That’s why prolonged unresolved chronic stress is very often more traumatising than the original experience which caused the stress.

So, slower is better, and faster, in the long run. Not slower for the sake of it, not slower to make the practitioner more money, not slower for any other reason than the fact that you make greater progress if you take it easy and slow way down when things get too much. And while you’re at it, be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a good friend. There is all sorts of research showing the power of compassion and kindness.

What I really like about pendulation (from somatic experiencing developed by Peter Levine) is that it helps us to stay in our bodies, even a small part like our little toe, and even when we’re overwhelmed. This is no mean feat when we feel flooded because leaving our body often feels like the only viable option. Pendulation helps teach us that some part of our body feels okay to inhabit, which is very calming and reassuring and helps activate our parasympathetic nervous system. It also helps us to rewire our brain, we learn that being in our bodies, or some part of it, feels ok, calm, grounding and even safe, which helps create new neural patterns. For anyone that has suffered from early developmental trauma this is an absolute life saver because dissociation is so often the only way out of intolerable pain.

Like anything, pendulation takes practice. If you can’t find a place in your body that feels good, find something else, a song, a pet, a friend. If you’re working with a therapist they can be that calm and grounded space you can go to in order to discharge any traumatic tension. Dipping in and out of the trauma, by pendulating your attention back and forth between the overwhelm and calm in your body,  helps the activated traumatic energy dissipate, and by doing so, you’re staying out of the trauma vortex according to Levine, which can so easily swamp and overwhelm you. This not only resolves trauma, it helps build resilience and hope and all the while you can tap on anything that arises too.