An important ingredient in resolving trauma

I think one of the most important ingredients in recovering from trauma is having support, and there is plenty of research to back this up. While having a sense of support and community can include animals and nature, among other things, I don’t think we can discount the importance of having the warmth and tenderness of a relational home that another human being can provide. Whatever internal and external resources we have, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem initially, we need to acknowledge and build upon all of them.

Without enough support and resources, our nervous system will find it too unsafe to discharge any trauma that it has been holding, which makes total sense when you think about it, after all its job is to protect us. This is especially true with early and developmental trauma, not only is support sometimes missing completely, or in part, there is often also neglect and abuse to contend with and this can and does stunt our growth and development.

However, as Peter Levine says, trauma is not a life sentence, it can be resolved. But at the same time it’s also important to acknowledge that developmental trauma is more complex than shock trauma because of the fact that our nervous system has been on high alert from a young age and our system has developed all sorts of strategies for coping, some healthy and some not so healthy. Developmental trauma affects everything, our view of ourselves, the way our brains and bodies develop, our relationships, everything, so persistence is definitely needed with resolving complex trauma.

By growing any support and resources, you can make your healing journey easier and more pleasant. You don’t have to be fixing yourself every moment of every day, that’s exhausting and depleting. You’re not broken, you’re hurt. You might feel broken but it is not your identity. Taking a break whenever you can, having fun, laughing, going for a walk, having a bath, is really important to lessen your stress load. Don’t wait until you feel overwhelmed, do something for yourself daily.

When you’re in physical and emotional pain, it can feel quite urgent to fix it or make it go away. So be kind to the part that feels that desperation to be free from pain. The great thing about tapping is that you can tap on anything and everything, just start with however you’re feeling right now. Don’t worry about being “negative” or “positive”, just be true to how you feel and tap on that, then watch your system release stress with yawns, sighs, burps and so on. Tapping on the truth of how you feel is extremely powerful.

These are some tapping phrases (see EFT shortcut diagram here) that you might start with:

Even though I feel desperate to … I completely accept how I feel

Even though I feel I don’t have any support*, I completely accept how that makes me feel

Even though I feel broken because … I accept myself anyway

*Be really specific here and look for both internal and external resources, whatever they may be; books, music, exercise. We can often feel unsupported if we don’t have close relationships with others, but support can come in a variety of ways and you can always reassure yourself that you’re moving towards connecting with others when it feels safe/comfortable enough for you.