Christmas

I don't think many of us are neutral in how we feel about Christmas, it can bring up all sorts of memories and feelings. I was listening to an Irish psychotherapist on television giving advice to people having issues with their family, with Christmas coming they were feeling worse about any issues or conflicts. What struck me most is the difficulty that many of us have in being honest, with ourselves and with others. And even if we are honest with ourselves, it is not always possible to share that honesty with others, for lots of different reasons. Christmas has a way of either reminding us how connected and loved we feel, or how lonely and diconnected we feel.

However, I do believe that none of us are successful in hiding how we truly feel, it usually comes out in various different ways, not the least of which can be snide, mean and unkind comments or actions (even if we feel justified). By coincidence I came across this quote by the great Alice Miller: If it is very difficult for you to criticise your friend [or family], you are safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that is the time to hold your tongue.

Anything that reminds us of how we truly feel is an opportunity to get clear and heal. It is in times of stress that how we truly feel about ourselves and others comes to the fore. If a belief makes you feel bad, horrible, unlovable or unacceptable, consider the possibility that you do not have to believe this belief, even if you have had it your whole life. Just because it is a deeply entrenched belief does not make it the truth, it makes it your truth, or what you have believed to be true, which you can change.

I wish everyone a peaceful and joyful Christmas and New Year, hope it's your best year yet!

The importance of willingness

The old saying, where there is a will, there is a way, has a lot of truth to it. I believe being willing is absolutely essential on our healing journey. When we're willing, it means we're ready to take responsibility for ourselves and acknowledge what's there, even though it might be difficult and even excruciating sometimes.

If we find we're not willing for whatever reason, we can tap on it. We can tap on ANYTHING, that is the beauty of tapping. Even being willing to admit that we're not willing is a huge step and can set the ball rolling. Try the following script to help you, please customise for you and your unique circumstances.

Even though I'm not willing to change, I completely accept that that is how I feel right now

Even though part of me is willing and another part is not (because ... fill in the blank, GUESS if you don't know) that is perfectly ok, I acknowledge this conflict

Even though I don't feel willing because I'm scared of ... I accept my fear

Top of head: I'm not willing
Eyebrow: And that's ok
Side of eye: I'm just not ready to make any changes
Under the eye: I feel scared
Under the nose: I refuse to budge
Under the mouth: Until I'm ready
Collar bone: And even if I never feel ready
Under the arm: I can accept myself anyway (watch out for any tailenders [objections] here and tap on them if there are any)

Top of the head: I acknowledge my hesitancy
Eyebrow: To ...
Side of eye: It's ok to feel afraid
Under the eye: The familiar is comfortable
Under the nose: I don't like uncertainty
Under the mouth: It makes me feel ...
Collar bone: And that's ok
Under the arm: I'll make changes when I'm ready

Top of the head: And only then
Eyebrow: That makes me feel ...
Side of eye: I honour how I feel about all of this
Under the eye: Even if it's difficult
Under the nose: Even if a part of me wants to change
Under the mouth: And another part is afraid of change and all that it might mean
Collar bone: I honour my fear
Under the arm: I honour the fact that I'm willing to tap on all my feelings about this

Top of the head: That is a huge step forward for me
Eyebrow: I acknowledge all of my feelings
Side of eye: Even the difficult ones
Under the eye: The feelings that are hard to feel
Under the nose: I'm willing to admit that I find it hard to feel certain emotions because ...
Under the mouth: I'm tapping through this
Collar bone: Even though I find it difficult
Under the arm: I honour my willingness to admit I'm not willing in some areas of my life

The willing, Destiny guides them. The unwilling, Destiny drags them ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The "problem" child

The language we use is so telling. The truth is no one behaves well or badly in a vacuum. We are responding to our environment and everything in it and it is all relevant and needs to be taken into account.

Whenever help is sought or given for a "problem" child, help is needed for the entire family. It can be all too easy to scapegoat, blame and project. What is needed first and foremost is willingness and accountability, particularly on the part of any adults in the situation. Children do what we do, not what we say and they are excellent students of the adults in their life.

We were born with four words engraved on our bodies: "love me, hold me". We always knew we wanted that, though we may not have had permission to say it out loud ~ David Richo