In that sense, love, kindness or respect might feel like a "negative" thing in your life. Even though you desperately want these things, you can't let them in, you can't let yourself be loved because you don't want to be hurt, again, or you might feel you just don't deserve to be loved or cherished. Any emotion will feel "negative" if we don't allow it to pass through, in and out. Just like we do with our food. We become emotionally constipated when we don't allow ourselves to feel our emotions fully.
Until you deal with your hurt and pain you will find it nearly impossible to forgive. I believe there is too much emphasis on forgiving in the spiritual literature. Give yourself a break and deal with you for the time being. If you're not ready or willing to forgive, it simply means you are still hurting. Take that seriously, respect and trust yourself enough to know that there is more you need to heal. Take your time and be patient and kind with yourself. When you've healed your hurts, you won't even need to forgive, you'll just accept things the way they are, or the way they were. Accepting something however does not mean putting up with it.
I love the quote below, because you have to trust and respect yourself enough to know what is unacceptable for you. It all comes down to what you know to be true. And that knowing comes with trusting yourself and your feelings. If you don't feel your feelings, you won't be able to learn to trust them.
Change the changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable ~ Denis Waitley