I don't want to feel

Acknowledging what you don't want to feel, paradoxically helps nudge you closer towards being able to feel those emotions and accept them. Tapping on the truth is extremely powerful, you're giving yourself permission to feel and be the way you are right now, which is huge step towards acceptance. One of the biggest things we resist or fight is difficult to feel emotions, so we don't feel them, or at least consciously we don't, but subconsciously we do. They start to leak into our lives in all sorts of ways and one of the most obvious ways is how they manifest physically in our bodies as conditions, dis-eases and so on.

Try tapping on these sentences, or choose the one that resonates most with you right now:

I don't want to feel _______

I want to avoid feeling _______ because it makes me feel _______

It's too difficult/painful to feel ________

I give myself permission not to feel _________ for as long as I need to

I completely accept myself for not wanting to feel _________

Not feeling this emotion has helped me __________ (list how it has helped you)

Not feeling this emotion hasn't helped me __________

I would not look upon anger as something foreign to me that I have to fight ... I have to deal with my anger with care, with love, with tenderness, with nonviolence ~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Using EFT for allergies

An allergy or intolerance is something our body, or immune system, reacts to because of real or perceived danger. Brent Phillips, who does theta healing has a lovely statement that I like to use when using EFT for allergies, it is:

I have the Divine/Creator/God/Universe's perspective on this ... 

You can use whatever word that feels right for you and then insert the substance that you are allergic/intolerant to and start tapping on all the points. We often develop allergies/intolerances when we don't feel safe at a core level, so addressing allergies from a safety perspective is very important. A very good tapping shortcut that Stephen Daniels shared on Gary Craig's DVDs is to tap the karate chop point and under the nose back and forth until the allergy/intolerance subsides.

*If you have a true allergy such as a peanut allergy use this protocol alongside any medical attention not instead of*

Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety ~ William Shakespeare

Why we need others to heal

Most of our wounds were created in our relationships with others and most of our wounds will be healed in our relationships with others.

Having a relational home as Robert Stolorow puts it in his book Trauma and Human Existence, is necessary for you to feel safe enough to connect with your hurts. If the relationship, whether it be with a therapist, friend or family member is not safe, it will be difficult if not impossible to heal your hurts. Trusting comes from feeling safe and even when you can't trust yourself, you will know when it is safe to put your trust in someone else, trust that knowing however small it seems to you. It is a doorway for you to enter a safe place where you can finally be heard, mirrored, validated and empathised with.

Peter Levine talks about going for a walk and suddenly being flat on the ground, hurt and frightened after a car had hit him in his book In an Unspoken Voice. It was only when a woman, who was gentle, calm and kind came and held his hand and was 'just with him', that he felt safe. He says that maybe he might not have recovered so fast and might even have developed PTSD had this woman not provided this safe place for him to feel cocooned. As a result he was able to begin discharging some of the frightening sensations and emotions characteristic of immobilisation/freeze that were coursing through his body at the time.

Harville Hendrix talks about three steps to establish contact, connection and communion in Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself be Loved which can be applied to any relationship. They are:

1. I am listening so carefully that I can mirror back to you what you've just said.
   To mirror, I exercise my capacities for separate knowing and receiving.
2. I affirm you and your right to have these feelings and hold these opinions.
   To validate, I exercise my capacities for connected knowing and giving.
3. I can enter into your world and feel what you are feeling.
   To empathise, I exercise my capacities for connected knowing and giving.

We can mirror, validate and empathise through dialogue but as Peter Levine's example shows, sometimes words aren't necessary. We can transmit the same messages non verbally with just our presence, that's how powerful relationship can be for healing.

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen ~ Ernest Hemingway