I feel threatened by ...

When we internalise a threat, trauma nearly always results. You might not call it being traumatised, you might call it stress, but no matter what you call it, you are going to be in either flight/fight or freeze mode when your sense of this threat is triggered. This can really take its toll on our physical and psychological health. Our experience of feeling/being threatened can worsen over time if the threat cannot be defused.

Try filling in the blank in the sentence below. Keep going until you feel you have written down everything you feel threatened by and start tapping on the one that holds the biggest charge for you right now. Go through your list at your own pace.

I feel threatened by ...

I think the thumb print on the throat of many people is childhood trauma that goes unprocessed and unrecognised ~ Tom Hooper

When you've had enough

If you've reached the end of your tether, you might not feel like tapping, you might not feel like doing anything, you're that browned off and exhausted. But if you can bring yourself to tap, see if the following helps.

Even though I'm absolutely exhausted and feel like I can't go on anymore, I accept how I feel

Even though it's really difficult to accept these feelings and I know I'm not supposed to resist them but they're too bloody painful! I accept how I feel about them

Even though I've had enough, I'm done, through (whatever else describes how you feel), I accept that too

Top of the head: I'm totally exhausted
Eyebrow: By everything
Side of the eye: Nothing ever seems to work for me
Under the eye: And that makes me feel ...
Under the nose: I've hardly any energy left
Under the mouth/chin: I don't know why I'm even tapping
Collar bone: It never works for me
Under the arm: Nothing ever does (note the beliefs that surface when you're really stressed, this is how you truly feel and it's great material for tapping on)

Top of the head: I'm pissed off
Eyebrow: I'm totally pissed off
Side of the eye: I'm not pretending anymore
Under the eye: It's exhausting to pretend
Under the nose: Everything is okay
Under the mouth/chin: When it's not
Collar bone: I feel ...
Under the arm: And that feels ...

Top of the head: I can let myself off the hook (watch out for tailenders/objections)
Eyebrow: And do something that doesn't take so much effort
Side of the eye: Like going for a walk
Under the eye: To clear my mind
Under the nose: And breathe
Under the mouth/chin: I feel ...
Collar bone: And that feels ...
Under the arm: I choose to let off steam more often

Top of the head: So I don't get so overwhelmed
Eyebrow: I choose to heed the signs that stress is building
Side of the eye: And do something about it, however small
Under the eye: I deserve that (any tailenders/objections?)
Under the nose: I give myself permission to take a break from everything and everyone
Under the mouth/chin: I feel ...
Collar bone: And that feels ...
Under the arm: I acknowledge and honour how I feel

I was a little excited but mostly blorft. "Blorft" is an adjective I just made up that means 'Completely overwhelmed but proceeding as if everything is fine and reacting to the stress with the torpor of a possum.' I have been blorft every day for the past seven years ~ Tina Fey

The heart of the matter

Anxiety, stress and trauma are closely linked to the heart. Have you ever heard of a couple who have been married for years, one dies and the other soon follows? I heard a very sad story a few weeks ago. A 45 year old woman died of cancer and a few weeks later her husband had a heart attack and also died.

The word trauma means wound in Greek, and that's what being traumatised really means; to be hurt or wounded. That's why for me there is no such thing as a small or big trauma, you either feel traumatised or you don't, feeling traumatised can only ever be truly 'measured' subjectively.

Silvia Hartmann has really great exercises for anxiety and stress that utilise the power of the heart and Bellruth Naparstek has a really excellent guided visualisation for healing trauma that helps us explore our broken hearts. It might sound cheesy or corny, but think of it. A little child whose parent has betrayed their goodness and innocence, is that not akin to having had their hearts broken?

Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us ~ David Richo

A culture of bullying in Ireland

This is a subject I am really passionate about. Unfortunately, there is a strong culture of bullying in Ireland. This is true for both children and adults. I have heard so many stories of children being bullied in school and when parents try to do something about it, they are bullied into keeping quiet and not rocking the boat. I have been bullied many times in my life, both as a child and adult.

When Aja Teehan took a case to the high court in order to secure the right to be individually assessed for the right to have a home birth, what did the Irish government do? They sought costs against her saying there was no issue of public interest in the case she had brought. Is this a bad joke? The right for a woman to make a decision on where and how she gives birth is not a matter of public interest??

In addition, the Irish state has recently urged the high court to seek costs against TD Joan Collins. She courageously, and behalf of all people living in Ireland, questioned the legality of the promissory notes for Anglo Irish Bank at a cost of 31 billion euro to the Irish state. In my view, by seeking costs in these cases, the Irish state is sending out a message to try and frighten people into not questioning the system. Bully boy tactics, plain and simple. The message is don't stand up for your rights, don't question the system or try to better it or make it more honest, equitable and accountable. Accept the fact that billions of our money has gone into bailing out banks and bondholders while our rights to autonomy are being trampled on, while our pay is cut again and again, while taxes and charges rise or are newly invented, while gas and electricity costs become prohibitive for the average family in mortgage arrears. It is an absolute disgrace what is happening in Ireland today.

Why don't Irish people stand up and say no to all the cuts, tax hikes, extra charges, jobs being lost, the scandals with various different organisations and on and on and on? The Irish government, by their own actions, do not have the best interests of people living in Ireland at heart.

I'm interested in why we put up with it. Why are we so obedient? Why is it so difficult for Irish people to stand up for themselves? It is most definitely a cultural issue and it can be changed. What are we really afraid of? What is the worst that can happen? These are the sort of questions that we need to ask ourselves when we come up against these challenges. We can tap for the strength and the courage to do what we know is right. Making a decision out of fear doesn't serve us in the long run. Taking back your power is one of the most healing things you can do. I believe it is essential, both as individuals, and collectively, it is the only way we can really change things, for the better.

The many ways of being specific

If you are specific when using EFT you'll see results faster than if you tap globally. However, many times there are no specific details to recall because we were too young and the memory is implicit rather than explicit. Or maybe we didn't experience the event fully because we dissociated from it as it was too painful so the details are hazy. However, we know what we know, or more aptly, we feel what we feel, our body never lies.

My recent thesis discussed the link between tonic immobility, dissociation and trauma. Tonic immobility (more commonly known as the freeze response) is somatoform dissociation while peritraumatic dissociation is psychoform dissociation. Just as we can't separate the mind from the body, my hypothesis is that we cannot separate tonic immobility from peritraumatic dissociation, they are one and the same phenomenon. And their parent, so to speak, is dissociation.

This is why being specific when we tap can take different forms. If you are suffering from chronic physical issues for example, you can tap on how they show up in your body. And you can be really specific about how it shows up in your body and how the symptoms change, worsen or get better depending on how you feel, external circumstances and so on. For example, you can say: Even though the pain in my right top shoulder is dull, red and throbbing and it makes me feel totally and utterly frustrated and … I accept myself anyway. Tapping on how you feel about any physical pain also helps you be really specific as it is very difficult not to have an emotional response to pain.

Tapping on our body's symptoms is very powerful and is another way to be really specific. Our bodies really do speak our minds, and listening to and tapping on any symptoms can lead us to their cause.

There is a force within that gives you life 

Seek that. 

In your body there lies a priceless jewel 

Seek that. 

Oh, wandering Sufi, 

If you are in search of the greatest treasure, 

Don't look outside, 

Look within, and seek that. 

 ~ Rumi

A part of me

The importance of saying "a part of me" was impressed upon me after reading The Good Psychologist by Noam Schpancer (a great book, well worth reading). We tend to say "I feel angry" or "I feel anxious". Meaning that the whole of us is feeling this way. While it certainly might feel like this, the truth is, if you can observe yourself feeling a certain way, who is the part of you that is able to observe the anxiety, anger or whatever it is? Does that part feel the same way?

I think being precise in what we mean and using language that reflects that is very powerful. When we say "a part of me feels anxious", the anxiety doesn't feel so overwhelming or insurmountable. Saying "a part of me" instead of "the whole of me" (as in I feel ...) gives us much needed hope that we are not consumed by difficult emotions and experiences. The part of us that is able to witness and observe is the part that can help us to heal by showing us that we have a way out of hurt and trauma.

The next time you tap, try saying "a part of me" and see what happens!

Divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and necessary to resolve it ~

René Descartes

50% off

I am offering a 50% discount on sessions for the month of January, please see my website for my contact details http://energyandintention.com

The beginning is always today ~ Mary Shelley

Christmas

I don't think many of us are neutral in how we feel about Christmas, it can bring up all sorts of memories and feelings. I was listening to an Irish psychotherapist on television giving advice to people having issues with their family, with Christmas coming they were feeling worse about any issues or conflicts. What struck me most is the difficulty that many of us have in being honest, with ourselves and with others. And even if we are honest with ourselves, it is not always possible to share that honesty with others, for lots of different reasons. Christmas has a way of either reminding us how connected and loved we feel, or how lonely and diconnected we feel.

However, I do believe that none of us are successful in hiding how we truly feel, it usually comes out in various different ways, not the least of which can be snide, mean and unkind comments or actions (even if we feel justified). By coincidence I came across this quote by the great Alice Miller: If it is very difficult for you to criticise your friend [or family], you are safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that is the time to hold your tongue.

Anything that reminds us of how we truly feel is an opportunity to get clear and heal. It is in times of stress that how we truly feel about ourselves and others comes to the fore. If a belief makes you feel bad, horrible, unlovable or unacceptable, consider the possibility that you do not have to believe this belief, even if you have had it your whole life. Just because it is a deeply entrenched belief does not make it the truth, it makes it your truth, or what you have believed to be true, which you can change.

I wish everyone a peaceful and joyful Christmas and New Year, hope it's your best year yet!