Where do you spend most of your time?

When we're living with unresolved trauma, we spend a lot of time around the middle and bottom part of the polyvagal ladder. We do this by necessity because there are internal threat(s) and/or external threat(s) which we need to avoid.

Internal threats usually involve us fighting difficult emotions, physical sensations. Not wanting to feel or go inside because it is too painful, and mobilising against our self as if we were the enemy. Being stuck in fight and flight takes a huge personal toll on our physical and mental health. When fighting or fleeing get too much for us, or they are not possible, we'll dissociate and check out.

We can circle in and out of flight, fight and shutdown for years if our traumatic experiences aren't healed. External threats are more difficult to resolve, there is something we can do about internalised threats, but we often have little control or agency over external threats such as oppression, sexism, racism, tyranny, police states, poverty, war and so on.

Ideally we'd all be living most, or all, of our life in the ventral vagal state; feeling safe, social, connected and engaged. We'd only need to flee, fight, or dissociate in extrenuous circumstances and with support and community, we'd return to feeling safe, supported and loved. It is crucially important for us to exercise agency over what we can in order to improve our health and resolve trauma. This involves learning to trust our self and finding what works for us.

To find out more about the polyvagal ladder, check out Deb Dana's website.