How do I create safety?

I was asked the other day how I create safety in a session. And it was hard to answer off the cuff but it's a crucially important question and it got me thinking. Some of the obvious answers are being present, attuned, active listening and taking someone's experiences seriously. You would think that these therapeutic ingredients would be a given, but they are not.  As a client I have had many experiences with therapists/practitioners who didn't listen, were anything but attuned and even gave me a different treatment than what I had asked for and then acted like I shouldn't have complained! Needless to say, the foundations are essential.

But there are some intangibles to creating safety and feeling safe that I think are ineffable. Safety is felt, it isn't explained, we can't talk someone into feeling safe, we create the right conditions and ingredients and it is a continuous process. It's like a good parent, they use actions as well as soft soothing words to meet the needs of their baby and the baby then learns they can trust them and as a result they feel safe. They have 'evidence' for knowing they can feel safe and a client needs evidence too. You'll know whether you feel safe or not (or the possibility of growing safer), it is a case of trusting the answers your body gives you.

I think using intuition can create quantum leaps in therapeutic work, which again is about trust; this can also create more safety, as a client can feel more heard when you intuit what's going on or how they're feeling. The best container that I know of is an attuned relationship, and healthy containment helps us feel safe. I am not a fan of container exercises as the bodymind will do what it does and get triggered etc. between sessions. It can't "obey" instructions to keep difficult stuff in, that stuff wants to be heard and seen. Learning to be the container for difficult emotions and sensations, rather than looking outside for containers, that often don't work in my experience and can make someone feel inadequate or that they're doing it wrong, is much more empowering.