When we haven't been co-regulated/attuned to from infancy, which is probably the majority of us, difficult emotions and their physical sensations will be very hard to stay with and process. We need support and help to feel the big stuff and our caregivers need to be able to soothe us when we get upset. If we are not soothed on a consistent basis, we shutdown and do all sorts of stuff to try and manage what we can't really manage because developmentally, we just can't.
This pattern of dissociating and avoiding then continues throughout life. We keep shoving stuff into our bodies, expecting them to be able to take it, until we reach breaking point and there is no other choice but to deal with it, or continue to suffer.
Bessel van der Kolk says in The Body Keeps the Score: "In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.
In my practice I begin the process by helping my patients to first notice and then describe the feelings in their bodies—not emotions such as anger or anxiety or fear but the physical sensations beneath the emotions: pressure, heat, muscular tension, tingling, caving in, feeling hollow, and so on. I also work on identifying the sensations associated with relaxation or pleasure. I help them become aware of their breath, their gestures and movements".
Making friends with our body and its sensations is essential to living a healthy and good life.
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