Unfinished business

There is nothing inherently wrong with the flight, fight and freeze response. They are absolutely necessary and have ensured our survival and evolution as a species.

Problems arise when we can’t complete these responses in the face of threat and danger and they get stuck. The reasons why they become stuck are many.

Fleeing and fighting aren’t viable options for babies and neither for older children in many cases, especially if the threat/danger is coming from their caregivers. So their only option is to freeze (Most people use the term freeze to refer to immobilisation, but the official term is tonic immobility. This is important to note just in case of confusion because in many studies you will see up to six threat responses and the term freeze will begin the sequence, but it does not mean immobilisation as this usually comes later if the preceding responses of flight and fight cannot be completed). Read more here.

There is another possible response between fight and immobilisation and that is fawn, befriend and appease. Children often learn that appeasing is their best defence against adults who are neglectful and abusive, although it does not work with every adult and in every situation.

Shame is another big reason why these responses can get stuck. In abusive and neglectful situations children are shamed for having needs, not being perfect, and sometimes just for existing and a very common response will be to collapse in order to make themselves smaller which acts as some form of protection. We can also feel shame for not having done enough. These early adverse experiences are the root of developmental trauma which can predispose us to more trauma later in life.

We have the ability to shut down both physically and psychologically in order to minimise any emotional and physical pain. We cannot separate the mind from the body, though we continue to do so because of very strong conditioning. Dissociation therefore is both psychic and somatic.

We can see just how valuable it is to be able to immobilise in the face of threat. However, if this sense of threat is internalised or we continue to shut down when there is no clear and present danger, problems can result. We become frightened of our own responses, emotions and body sensations and what we fear, we can’t process. This unresolved traumatic stress results in our system becoming inflamed, and we all know that chronic inflammation is the root cause of chronic disease.

What makes you need/want to flee?
What makes you need/want to fight?
What makes you need/want to appease?
What makes you need/want to shutdown?

It is really helpful, when you can, to determine where you are in terms of these responses. You can then use that state and your answers to the above questions in your tapping, for example:

Even though I want to flee and that makes me feel … I accept how I feel 

Even though I’m stuck in fight, I feel the need to fight when … I completely accept my response at this time

Even though I freeze (immobilise) when faced with … I accept that’s the way I’ve adapted to feeling/being threatened

Even though I don’t like the way I respond to threat, I am open to finding ways that work for me so I can find resolution and peace

Repeat whatever words/phrases feel right on the points.