Divided attention

Divided attention is really common when we’re stressed. Our attention is split into lots of different threads haphazardly focused in too many areas, which makes us feel really scattered and overwhelmed. It is really important to try and do one thing at a time, as slowly as you can, if possible.

The more stressed we feel, the more stuff we think we need to do to alleviate the stress; we become desperate, urgent and even panicky. But the opposite is in fact true. Know how your system reacts to threat, any threat, no matter how small you think the threat is (or whether you even recognise it as threat), and when you first notice the signs of stress, start doing what you know works or find something that you feel might work and start practising it daily.

You know from experience that minimising or comparing your stress levels and experiences with anyone else doesn’t help, it keeps you stuck, usually in shame, so take your own experience seriously. The only real measurement of stress is how we feel and if you feel bad enough, that’s good enough to do something about it regardless of what anyone else think or feels.

Keep it simple, do only a few things at most and do them daily. You should start to see results, hopefully immediately, but certainly in a few days. But remember, our nervous system takes time to rewire. If you have been steeping in stress hormones for a long time, your system needs time to reorient itself to a new way of being in the world. So as you’re dealing with your stress levels, be as kind to yourself as you can possibly be.

The moments of soothing ourselves, that is, learning to regulate ourselves, hopefully with the help of co-regulation, will join up and become minutes, hours, then days and after a while the days stretch into weeks and so on.