The importance of a 'relational home'

We need others, we need to be loved and we need to feel connected. This is especially true when we've been traumatised, in fact it's essential, we can't do without it at the best of times, never mind the worst.

Robert Stolorow in his book, Trauma and Human Existence, calls this a 'relational home' and I really really get what he means. Probably because I haven't always had it and I really appreciate it when I do have it. It's someone (including ourself) we can say the 'unsayable' to, the things we're ashamed of, feel guilty about, feel we're bad people for feeling/thinking them. How we truly feel deep deep down without having to dress it up, sugar coat it, or indeed, to make others feel better.

When we can give this to ourselves, we can give it to another. Even if you don't have someone to open up to or connect with, open up to yourself, give yourself what you need. Take your own feelings seriously, validate your own experiences. Respect who you are, where you've come from and where you are now.

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship ~ Brené Brown