The willingness to look inside and self reflect is not the same as constantly questioning your motives, behaviour and worth. One is taking responsibility, the other is self punishing. Why do you feel you need to be punished?
When you haven’t been able to trust from the start, and haven’t been trusted in turn, you question everything and everyone, but mostly your self. You are unsure of who you are, and as a result you feel ungrounded and scattered. There’s nothing more exhausting than second guessing your self all the time, it creates chaos in your life and in your relationships.
I think the first step in trusting our self is being able to metabolise difficult experiences and people. We can’t metabolise anything that we can’t feel; that we dissociate from; that we can’t accept or that we don’t trust (our feelings for example).
And that takes time and resources. The first step is to learn to trust yourself. Feelings aren’t 100% right 100% of the time, but you know what, in my opinion, mostly they are. So take a risk, if you make a mistake, apologise, either to your self or someone else if you get it wrong.
It is only by using your muscle of trust that you can learn to trust and trust your trusting. You then begin to realise what belongs to you and what doesn’t. This has the effect of lifting burdens that aren’t yours to carry. Natural boundaries form around you because you trust your self and act accordingly.